Dear God.

Today, I have heartburn. Not because I ate delicious pizza, but because my life is insane right now. Today, I am having heartburn because of many things. Because my sister is blind to her domestic abuse and violence that can not end well. Because I am having to cancel my ceremony and reception because my mom wants to allow a felon who has a history of child abuse and sexual misconduct stay in her house where I live right now that weekend, even though he won't come to the ceremony. I will not stay anywhere near this man, and if I have to find another place to stay for MY ceremony and reception, why have it? I won't. Maybe it's petty-but I haven't told you the whole story. Today, I am aggravated because Mr. Wonderful didn't listen to me, the professional college student about financial aid and student loans. SO, while he is at work, and I am getting ready to go to work, I'm sitting here filling out his stupid paperwork to ensure he can finally go back to school. I feel unappreciated, ignored, and gross because it is disgustingly hot and we have no air conditioner. I am emotional and crying, and pissed off, and sad all at the same time. Today, I am frustrated with my life. Today, I am screaming at God for abandoning me for the past 10 years. And for letting terrible things happen to me, even though I know sometimes, Your hands are tied. Right now, I am pissed off enough that I almost hate you. I can't stop crying, and you can't start helping. I don't need much, I don't want much, I just need ONE THING (I don't care which) to be stopped so I can have a semi-decent, crisis free 24 hours. No more pregnant sister's who are abused, no more clinically depressed parents who are unemployed, no more adhd husband who can't do an effing thing without getting upset that I nag, no more tears running down my cheeks because I can't do it anymore and want to give up, NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE. FIX IT. All my life you were supposed to be there for me, and make everything better, or at least tolerable. Well let me tell you, it hasn't been tolerable for 8 years. I'm sick of funerals and cancer and crises and school, and work and budgets and fighting and douchebags. Today, I want a miracle. Today, I need one. Today, you need to show up. Because I'm done.